Right Speech – Wise Speech
“Speech is very important.”
The Buddha said something very interesting about speech which is well worth remembering
‘If you know anything that’s hurtful and untrue, don’t say it.’
‘If you know anything that’s helpful and untrue, don’t say it.’
‘If you know anything that is hurtful and true, don’t say it.’
‘If you know anything that is helpful and true, find the right time.’
We need to think about it first, to make sure:
- that it is helpful
- that it is also true
- that it is the right time
The right time has come when the other person is agreeable to listening and in a peaceful state of mind, and it should, above all, be a time when oneself has only loving feelings for the other person.
Only then should one say anything. If there is any dislike, resistance or rejection in one’s mind about the other person it’s going to show in the speech, and it will not be useful.
Everybody has occasions when they want to tell others what they should or shouldn’t do. By using the above criteria, one has a good chance of success.
Right speech is traditionally explained as no slander, no gossip, no backbiting, not setting one person against another, not using harsh or abusive speech. The Buddha said that speech makes and breaks families and friends. It is at the root of harmonious companionship.
The Buddha also said that right speech includes not overrating or understating. This means one does not exaggerate into making either maximum or minimum statements. That too is lying. It’s based upon the wish to make oneself a little more interesting.
Lying is done sometimes for self-protection, sometimes out of greed, to get more than one’s due and sometimes out of hate, when one lies in order to hurt. All the reasons for lying bring us into a downward spiral.
Speech is based on thoughts. If we have control over our thoughts, we learn to have control over our speech. We become mindful of everything we think and learn to change it from unwholesome to wholesome.
On the other hand, speech must be meaningful. Idle chatter is also wrong speech. Just talking with nothing to say, such as talking about one’s family, food, the weather or how one feels.
Right speech a great blessing to be endowed with kind, polite speech and right intention behind it.
Two people may actually say exactly the same thing, but their intentions are different, so their kamma will be different. We will only get to know our intentions if we practise looking inward.
Refraining from false speech, the fourth precept needs to be examined, as to what it means in our own life.
When it is kindly speech, people will appreciate it.
When it is respectful, people will be more friendly.
When there is truthfulness, we can be relied upon.
When we use meaningful speech, people will listen.
When there is no slander or backbiting, trust is formed.
These are skills which we learn through mindfulness.
Source- Being Nobody, Going Nowhere – by Ayya Khema
Adapted by G Ross Clark
A SUGGESTED PRACTICE
‘Letting go of anger’
- Ground, in the posture of the body
- Open, the body heart and mind
- Invite, an angry issue to arise
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- ‘There is anger’ (objectively, noting on 3 or more in-breaths)
- ‘This is my anger’ (subjectively, taking full responsibility our anger)
- ‘May my anger be well’ (caring, healing the anger with kindness:-)
G Ross Clark
TheMindfulCoach.com